When Brian and Jill (not their real names) retired at the age of 65, the thing they were most looking forward to was at last having more time to hang out with their friends. They dreamed of gathering together their buddies to hike some of the great private walkways this country has to offer, and of heading away as a group to a Pacific resort, or to Auz for an occasional road trip. Unfortunately, it turned out their friends were more work-committed in retirement than they had ever been during their working years.
Brian and Jill’s closest friends had informally signed up for grandchild care 5 days out of 7, and when they didn’t actually have the grandies at home with them, they were dropping them off to school or picking them up from day-care. Several friends were involved in ongoing home or garden improvements that seemed to occupy every minute of the day, and one couple, who had taken on the care of their adult child’s two dogs, felt they couldn’t leave home when the animals depended on them. Brian’s best mate, Andy, had put up his hand to be a mentor for young building professionals, and was in such demand he was never at home. To say Brian and Jill were disappointed, is an understatement, but the fact is, their situation isn’t unusual. That’s because, in an effort to ‘cope’ with newly discovered free time, the first thing many retirees do is go all out to fill the gaps.
Leaving space for leisure, especially for ‘doing nothing in particular,’ doesn’t come easily to many retirees. In fact, most don’t get past the first hurdle: learning to sit with, and experience free time. Their working life has taught them to be goal-oriented. So much so, that from waking up to going to sleep, their drive is still to see how much can be achieved in a day. Which means granting themselves permission to simply enjoy free time is anxiety- or even guilt-inducing. What makes it even more difficult to get off this over-activity roller coaster is the body rewards us, at a chemical level, for ticking items off the ‘to-do list.’ It does so by providing a feel-good dopamine hit each time we complete a task, and as the mind associates dopamine with pleasure, we seek out more and more tasks to complete.
But here’s the thing: doing nothing in particular, no matter how difficult it may feel, actually helps us reset our inner clock, providing us with time to reflect on events, process feelings, and calm our minds. With the peace that eventually comes with ‘doing nothing,’ we will at last reach a place where we can decide for ourselves what we’d actually prefer to do instead of rushing and working. For some, grandchild care, house and garden renovation, dog-minding, and mentoring, really will be what they want to invest their time in. But not all of it, and not at such an intense level. In fact, most retirees who intentionally spend some time ‘doing nothing’ come to the realisation friends are important too, and spending time with them is of infinite value, especially as the years progress. Brian and Jill were fortunate in that they had both placed value on making time to ‘do nothing in particular,’ even during their working life. For Brian, is was through listening to music. For Jill, it was via mindfulness. The space had helped them plan for a retirement where friendship would be as important as ‘to-do’s.’
If you feel your ‘retirement’ is too full, that you’re on a treadmill you’d rather be off, or you don’t have time for your friends, try schedule daily opportunities to ‘do nothing.’ Set your alarm (there’s bound to be one on your phone) and use it as a reminder to go for a quiet walk, or to sit with a coffee and gaze out the window, do some doodling, reading, or bird watching. By intentionally slowing down, it’s highly likely you’ll eventually choose to do less, not more. If you find the thought of intentionally ‘doing nothing’ anxiety-provoking, allow yourself to factor in a cut-off point for the experiment. Whether you commit to ‘doing-nothing’ stints once a day for a week, a fortnight, or longer (and remember it takes time to establish habits), you can relax, knowing there’s an end in sight. Unless, of course, you find you enjoy it!
If you’re already in touch with the benefits of doing less, be like Brian and Jill who refrain from sympathising with retired friends who say they’re too busy to take breaks, and instead, set an example of how to enjoy leisure. Eventually, they hope others will join them.
