Communication doesn’t come naturally to all of us, which can make socialising, especially in a situation where you don’t know people, something to be dreaded rather than enjoyed. Yet communicating doesn’t have to be hard work when you know how. What’s more, it can make you instantly popular in a social setting, while also helping others to overcome their own insecurities. Here’s our best tried and true advice for communicating effectively, and with ease, in sometimes tricky social settings:
Lighten up!
Nothing says ‘don’t approach me’ more than an overly serious face (and some people have a naturally serious face in repose). If you are attending a function alone, try to adopt a Mona Lisa half-smile as you either look around the room or gaze into the middle distance. It’s not the easiest of expressions to hold, so don’t be afraid to practise it in the mirror, timing yourself to see how long you can remain ‘unserious’. You can always take a short break from the half-smile by taking a sip from your glass, or adjusting a piece of clothing or jewellery. Return to your half smile as soon as possible, and you may be surprised by how quickly a complete stranger walks up to chat with you.
Remember names and use them
Everyone appreciates being noticed and remembered – and at a social gathering, one of the easiest ways to be the person who does this, is to learn a fellow guest’s name, and use it. If you’re in a group, listen out carefully for a name – but don’t be afraid to ask for it, either. Then, as soon as possible, use their name in conversation – it might be as part of a compliment, or in acknowledging something they’ve said, as in “I quite agree, Sue.” By noticing and remembering another, you’ll be noticed and remembered, too!
Offer support
Expressing an opinion in the context of group conversation isn’t always easy, which is why a speaker is always so grateful to receive genuine support from someone in their ‘audience’. If you want to be appreciated and remembered at a social gathering, be the person that gives support. It can be as simple as saying: “I see what you mean, Peter,” or “I’ve thought the same thing myself, Helen.” If you don’t agree with what’s being said, ask a question instead. The speaker will still value your input for allowing them to elaborate.
Seek opinions
Asking for the opinion of another is a subtle way of creating an instant bond between you and them. It invites a sharing of confidences, even when the subject isn’t intimate. At a social gathering, you can create this bond simply by asking another guest what nibble they recommend, as you both approach the platter table. If you’re standing next to someone as the drinks tray is passed around, you might say something like: “What do you advise – bubbles or still?” Ramp the same trick up a notch in conversation by asking someone in your group what they think of a comment you’ve just made or an opinion you’ve given. These approaches build a social network between yourself and others.
Include others
If you’re feeling uncomfortable at a social gathering, it comes as a huge relief to be invited into a already formed (this usually happens when you’re hovering on the edge of it, and a smile or ‘hello’ welcomes you in). When you pay back that social kindness, you’re not only helping another ‘lost’ guest, you’re also creating a connection with them that won’t be forgotten. Later on in the event, the connection will make it easier for you to connect with them again.
Compliment
As Kiwis, we generally find it difficult to accept compliments, however it doesn’t mean we don’t like receiving them! In fact, a giver of compliments will always be remembered, and appreciated, for doing just that. What’s more, compliments are a great way to start a conversation. If you don’t know a person well, steer clear of very personal compliments (such as hair style, or lipstick colour) and head to something more general such as an interesting item of jewellery they might be wearing, something they’ve said in conversation, or a dish they’ve brought to a pot luck. Become a complimenter (in moderation) and you’ll instantly be viewed as someone who is interesting, warm, and confident.
Being socially successful is a subtle art. Practise it often, and watch your popularity grow.