By Denise Corlett.
Find more articles by Denise here.
How often have you been attracted to someone while out walking, in a crowded bar, meeting or event somewhere and not either made eye contact, smiled, talked to them, found out if they were single or got their number? Did you kick yourself later and ask yourself why you didn’t? One of the mantras you’ll consistently hear me saying is hat you can meet someone special absolutely anywhere. Yes that can absolutely happen. However, what if you take that one step further and proactively make the most of everyday situations. Bump into someone, lock eyes, know he or she is the “one”, and run off into the sunset together! Okay, but how often does that happen…only in the movies you say?
So what exactly are your options? Well it varies according to your style and gender. I don’t have the space here to go into all the scenarios and options available to you, but I did want to start you off. Here are some tips.
Women
- Get your head around the idea that you can “subtly engineer” situations that don’t make you come across as needy and desperate
- There is no harm in making eye contact and smiling at person of interest. If you think this is being too “out there” for you, try reframing it to being “friendly and welcoming to others”.
- Move closer to your person of interest or brush past them
- When you see an opportunity approach and make a comment about the situation you find yourself in (e.g. “It’s busy at the meeting tonight!”) or the commonality between you (e.g. “I see your dog is as hard to keep out of the water as mine”) accompanied by eye contact, a smile and a first name introduction
- See how the conversation flows and as this occurs ensure you respond positively
- Depending on the duration/depth of your conversation, you can make a related comment about your or their availability status. This can either drop a clue to them that you are potentially single, or as an enquiry enables them to answer in the positive or negative (e.g. “my single girlfriends and I occasionally come here…” or “Do your partner or the rest of your family take the dog for a walk as well?”
- Ideally it’s up to the guy to pick up this “friendly interest” and follow this through
- If this is not forthcoming, you can always make a comment regarding whether they regularly come to the event, meeting, park etc and if they answer in the positive, you can casually say you might see them round.
- Finish with “nice talking to you” or similar.
- If men want to take up the option of getting more information from you, asking you out, saying they hope to see you again, then respond in the positive but let them do the work
- Spend some time writing down some potential scenarios and possible “lines” you could use
Men
- Get your head around the idea that as a man it is primarily your duty to initiate approaches, conversations and asking women out. Approaching increases your chances of getting dates. Avoiding it, because of your fears only decreases your chances.
- There is no harm in making eye contact and smiling at persons of interest. If you think this is being too “out there” for you, try reframing it to being “friendly and welcoming to others”.
- You may have received a quick glance, some eye contact or even a smile. Approach her as quickly as possible if this is the case. However, if she has turned her body away from you and has her arms crossed, it’s probably a less favourable time to approach her. A woman is more open to approach if she has an open body posture and arms uncrossed.
- When you see an opportunity, approach and make a comment about the situation you find yourself in (e.g. “It’s busy at the meeting tonight!”) or the commonality between you (e.g. “I see your dog is as hard to keep out of the water as mine”) accompanied by eye contact, a smile and a first name introduction
- See how the conversation flows and as this occurs ensure you respond positively
- Depending on the duration/depth of your conversation, you can make a related comment about your or their availability status. This can either drop a clue to them that you are potentially single, or as an enquiry enables them to answer in the positive or negative (e.g. “my mates and I occasionally come here…”, “since I’ve been divorced I’ve found that…” or “Do your partner or the rest of your family take the dog for a walk as well?”
- It’s up to you to take it to the next level
- Finish with “nice talking to you” or similar and ask them out
- Spend some time writing down some potential scenarios and possible “lines” you could use