By Denise Corlett.
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I speak to lots of men and women who are looking for someone special, someone long term and in many cases someone to marry. A lot of these men and women are wonderful people. It can be really painful and frustrating being single when so many friends and family members are paired up, particularly at this time of the year. It’s interesting to note that while attraction is often initially based on what we see physically, people either stay interested or not based on the essence of who we are and how we communicate. The following 5 factors to attract men or women give some ideas as to what you could be doing differently. For more personalised assistance to identify what you could be doing differently to move from being a single to a couple contact info@datingadvice.co.nz
Five Ways to Attract a Man
1. Make the most of your looks first
Initial attraction for many men is via visual cues. What they see will cause them to react. If the woman is attractive to them they are more likely to approach her. Women are generally harsher on themselves than men are. So, it is imperative to make the most of what you have been blessed with. Do your best to enhance your looks by paying attention to how you dress, your hair, nails, facial skin, teeth, body odour, makeup, health and physical fitness.
2. Get clear about what are your best features
In addition to your looks there is a whole lot more to you that makes you attractive in the eyes of a man. That can include everything from your talents and pastimes to your education, work and your personality traits. Once you get clear about these then let others see the completeness of you.
3. Be a woman
What are you attracted to about a man? Once you have a list, consider what it is that men might appreciate in women. You are a woman so don’t be afraid to let that shine. Heterosexual men are attracted to feminine traits such as gentleness, warmth and affection.
4. Get out there
No man is going to find you at home – not unless you are internet dating or social networking. You have to get out there and find the places where the kind of man you are interested in might be. In saying that, while going out with a bunch of women can be fun, it is also scary for a man to approach you if you are in a big group. Think of ways to separate yourself from your friends.
5. Be open and friendly to approaches
It’s hard enough for men to approach women. Rejection is part of the game when you want to date someone but if women want men to converse with them and take them out then an open and friendly manner can indicate that you are willing to be approached. A closed stance says keep away. Don’t avoid eye contact and smile. Put on your biggest smile!
Five Ways to Attract Women
1. Take care of your appearance
Women are looking for men that take pride in their appearance. You don’t have to have the latest clothes, but modern enough in dress sense and style to keep you in this decade. Keeping yourself fit and healthy is a big plus as women still want to be active socially, physically and sexually. The translation in a woman’s mind when she sees someone who doesn’t keep himself fit is “inactive, possibly unable to go away for weekends and travel and maybe even a health risk”. Not paying attention to dress sense and style means “he doesn’t care and will he be like this with other things”.
2. Show your romantic and chivalrous side
Women love romance at any age. Seeing a romantic side, chivalrous behaviours such as opening doors for her and genuinely showing you care and have thought about her goes a long way to making you very attractive. Don’t think you are too old to be romantic and don’t forget that good manners are extremely important.
3. Conversation and expressing your emotions to deepen that connection
If you clicked with a woman or just had that chemistry then the attraction is based on sexual tension conjured up between you, related to appearance, communication and the essence of you both. Women want to be able to converse with men on a range of subjects, not just at a superficial level, but a deeper level as well. Deepen your connection by telling stories/experiences that engage your emotions. This way she can see a snapshot of the deeper you and how different events and circumstances affect you and to what degree. Also, by understanding, listening and empathising with her emotions, you can deepen that connection further.
4. Independence financially and emotionally
Women in the 50+ age group have often reached a place where they are more financially and emotionally secure and independent. Many have had their children and are relishing their independence and the extra opportunities available to them. This is a time for fun and adventure and new opportunities. They are not looking to have further financial or emotional burdens in a partner but mutual enjoyment in the company of someone else. Display your financial independence in the day to day activities you share together. If you are still working towards financial goals make this clear. Any sign of seeking her financial support will be a turn off. Emotionally women are looking for someone who is mature and has overcome any hurts and pain from previous relationships ending. While you still might be working towards overcoming some of the pain yourself, be aware of this and acknowledge that you are still working through it.
5. Socialise and get out there
No woman is going to find you at home unless you are internet dating or social networking. So many women say where are all the decent men? You have to get out and get noticed. Attend events and social activities where you can come across women who might be of interest. There is a huge range of activities you can get involved in. Friends and families can act as allies as well. Get involved in family activities including those of grandchildren to potentially come across suitable partners. Community and non profit organisations can be a great avenue as well. Don’t forget the wonderful organisations as well as the forums that grownups.co.nz offer on their site.
© Denise Corlett – Dating Advice 2008.
Dating Advice is a service set up to provide personalised dating coaching and information to singles. If you would like more help pinpointing stumbling blocks in your dating life (the things your friends, family, ex-partners won’t tell you or don’t know) or to learn and practice strategies to improve your success…then contact Denise Corlett on 09 521 7449 or info@datingadvice.co.nz .