If you were dating money, what would it say about you?
I love this question. I always get a sideways curious look when I ask it. It’s not something we tend to think about. We date people, not money.
The first thing we need to understand about money is that whether we like it or not, we have a relationship with it. It’s the longest relationship you will ever have. It will outlast friendships, quite possibly your significant other, and family. It was there before you were born as your parents planned your arrival. And it will be there after you are gone when those you leave behind stand beside your coffin wondering how much they will get!
Whilst it’s a fun question, it’s also an important one. Think about your answer right now. If you were dating money, what would it say about you?
- Here are a few interesting answers I’ve heard over the years. ‘
- Money would dump me! I’m a really bad date!’
- ‘I ignored Money, so it got bored with me, and moved on to someone else.’
- ‘I kept money in the dark about my goals and my dreams, so we just lived in the moment and had no love left when we needed it.’
- ‘Money and I partied hard and wore each other out!’
- ‘Money pays me a lot of attention, shows me lots of opportunities, thinks about me a lot and cares if I go away, and will look for me to make sure I come back.’
- ‘Money and I should have been more adventurous.’
- ‘Money feels nurtured and appreciated. It needs to have a bit of freedom to do its own thing and grow, but we also like each other’s company.’
- ‘Money wants to pay me more attention and spoil me more than I let it. I’m very protective of my relationship, it’s a nurturing relationship.’
- ‘Money and I worked hard to make a brand-new start together. We got to know each other slowly and have grown and matured together.’
- ‘Money wants a bit more space, I smother it and hang on too tightly.’
As you can see from these answers, when we think about it, we can see clearly that we are in a relationship with our money, and having a healthy one is important.
Our relationship with money sets the scene for all our other relationships in life as well. If you are stressed and anxious about your money you will bring that anxiety into your relationships. If you are relaxed and comfortable with your money you will find it easier to talk to your partner about money in a relaxed easy way.
As with any relationship, your relationship with money will change over time.
When we are young and have very little or no financial responsibility, our relationship with money tends to be a bit like that too–we don’t need to worry about it and we can try lots of different money dates until we find the one that suits us.
As we grow and take on more responsibility for ourselves and others, we don’t want to be serial money daters anymore. It’s time to settle down and start to nurture and grow the relationship we have. There will be times when money leaves us, and it is up to us to choose how we want to restart the relationship and on what terms.
You see this is the main difference between dating money and dating a person. Money won’t argue, it won’t push back, it won’t tell you what you can and can’t do with it. The choices you make with your money are entirely your choices. Realising that you have made some not-great choices with money and have hurt yourself, as a result, can be a tough pill to swallow. But you can make up again and do things differently if you choose to do so.
Now it’s your turn. Pull out your journal and off the top of your head answer this question: If I was dating money what would it say about me?