GrownUps New Zealand

The friendship conundrum: How to make new friends

As we get older and our lives change, some of us get isolated and lonely. Our children grow up and move out, we retire from work, and we might have lost a partner through death or divorce. Moving house or simply fewer opportunities to meet new people can also leave us with many empty hours to fill.

And if you’re a shy person, you’re even worse off. But you’re not the only one – almost half of people over 50 see themselves as shy!

That worry about loneliness can mean you hold on to friendships that are doing you no good. Do you have a ‘friend’ who seems to do nothing but criticise you? Maybe they block your efforts to improve yourself or meet new people. The answer to both issues is the same – getting out, meeting new people and building meaningful relationships.

Ways to make new friends

Understand yourself

Are you shy, or are you an introvert? If you genuinely like being alone, and you’re happy in your own company most of the time, you’re an introvert –that’s not a bad thing and doesn’t mean you’re tongue-tied with strangers.

Still, it’s a rare person who likes being alone all the time, so whether shy or introverted, you may still want new friends.

Get rid of any pre-conceived ideas

You might know exactly the kind of person you want for a friend, but keep your mind open! Good friends can come in a range of ages and have all sorts of hobbies, opinions and attitudes. You won’t know which ones will become BFFs until you meet and get to know them.

Get out and join up

Think about what interests you – gardening, cycling, knitting, cars – and look for groups around that. Resurrect an old hobby, or be brave and try a new one. Take a class, volunteer in your community, and generally get yourself out there.

Make your own gatherings

Once you’ve made a few acquaintances, try organising small gatherings or outings yourself. That way, you have a better chance of getting to know those acquaintances better, and you’ll enjoy yourself while you’re doing it.

Go on a jaunt with a group

If you can afford to travel, but you don’t want to go alone, book a tour with a group. Contact travel companies that specialise in smaller-group travel – adventure holidays, cruises, guided tours, whatever takes your fancy. When you travel with other people, you have plenty of chances to get acquainted.

You deserve to be happy

Whether you’re shy, lonely, or both, it’s time to make your life more enjoyable. Join groups, get acquainted with more people and put yourself out into the world. Go on group journeys, take up a new hobby or just socialise more. Great friends can make everything else worthwhile.