We’re not talking about people who are occasionally annoying or unhappy. Toxic people are so full of self-hatred that they can’t stand seeing you happy or enjoying life. Here’s how to recognise the poison coming at you:
- They try to control you – toxic people try to control you, even though they can’t control themselves.
- All take and no give – hungry and greedy for attention, sympathy, money, whatever; they never have anything to give in return.
- Never in the wrong – even if they make a mistake, they don’t admit it, but blame someone else (like you, for instance).
- Dishonest – we all exaggerate and bend the truth a bit, often to protect someone’s feelings, but toxic people will blatantly lie, cheat and steal, to make the world in their own image.
- They feel sorry for themselves – they’re perpetual victims, which offers a perfect excuse for their bad behaviour.
Stop the poison spreading
If any of your friends are behaving like this, it’s time to give them the heave-ho:
- Stop following them on Twitter, block their Facebook page, and generally get them out of your social media life. Send their email messages to spam. Delete their phone numbers to avoid pocket-dials.
- If you really must, tell them to leave you alone, and do it in a public place. They might not listen at first – boundary-breaking is what they do, but if you’re firm, they’ll eventually get the message.
- Don’t ever argue. They love arguing, and you answering back is meat and drink to them.
- Get away. All those new acquaintances you’ve made will give you plenty of opportunities to be somewhere else, doing other things.
Negative family members
These are tricky. You can’t really break up with family or tell them to leave you alone. You may be able to move away yourself, to a different town, so you don’t see them so often. If you share responsibilities (like caring for an aged parent), weed out the emotion from the relationship, and work with your relatives on a practical level. Stay calm, and keep the poison from damaging the whole family.
You deserve to be happy
If a negative friend is poisoning your life, take steps to rescue yourself and guard your happiness. Reject the poison and stay away from toxic people. Don’t try fixing them, just live your life the way you want to, and be happy.