Lovers, best friends, partners
The thrill of being in love quickly fades, and the mundane world of work and dishes takes over. At that point, you and your lover need to be best friends and partners in everything you do. That doesn’t mean you ignore romance, or live in each other’s pockets. You could be two independent people who easily cope alone, but choose to live together, love each other and put your marriage at the centre of your lives.
Pay attention
A common mistake is to make assumptions instead of consulting your partner. When one gentleman was invited to move in with his girlfriend, instead of packing a suitcase or discussing logistics with her, he replaced all her furniture with his while she was at work. He assumed she’d be pleased – but she dumped him.
That happens even in long-standing marriages, so pay attention, answer that phone call from your spouse no matter how busy you are, and make decisions – and even some of the smaller ones – together.
Share strengths and joys
No-one is good at everything – if you’re into words and your spouse loves numbers, you could be on a win. If you’re good at the same things, don’t make it a competition. Appreciate and celebrate your differences, share jokes, and take joy in doing the things you both love together. Your kids, sports, travel, the arts, a hobby – any of these could be joys you share.
Winning is not the object
You and your beloved don’t have to agree on everything. Winning is not the objective, communicating is. With a problem or misunderstanding, discuss it and reach consensus. Discussions can be heated if both of you are passionate about your points of view, but listening to each other can bring understanding.
Of course, if one of you is deaf it may be time for a hearing check!
Admit your mistakes and forgive
No-one’s perfect, so admit you were wrong without worrying about losing face. Your spouse might be relieved that you’re human after all! If you get an apology, work towards truly forgive. Then you both win and your marriage grows stronger.
Marriage takes patience
With patience, you can raise excellent children and still maintain your relationship, you’ll avoid saying mean things when you’re stressed, and you’ll be great role models for your kids. You’ll also be there for each other when one of you gets low or ill, and with patience you can schedule ‘date-nights’ so sex stays a part of your life.
Choose to be happy
For a strong, long-lasting and happy marriage, be patient and loving, admit your mistakes and put your partner – and your marriage – at the centre of your life. Be strong in yourself so you can be supportive when necessary, and do things together that make you both happy.